EU, GOLDMAN TAKE OVER WORLD TO CREATE NEW FRAUD-TO-BOLLOCKS GROUP
In a ground-shifting, mould-reconfiguring accord, Goldman Sachs and its biggest client The European Union have joined forces to create a new worldwide group, AOK. This is not to be confused with AOL (America On Line) in that the acronym stands for All Obviously Kosher. The new operation will maximise the reputational leverage of the EU following its bold decision to expand into the Islamist homelands of Turkey, Algeria, Morocco, and Tunisia. The press release stresses that each side of the new consortium will play to its strengths: Goldman will run the world, while Brussels will tell the world that whatever happens, there’s nothing to worry about.
“We already have a number of contracts in common,” Goldman boss Android Bankfine told The Slog in an exclusive interview direct from his newly downsized apartment following his 40% pay cut last Friday, “such as the EU central bank, Greece and Italy. Now we want to build on our mutual success and realise the full potential we have to double-cross every poor sucker on the planet.”
Nodding vaguely while staring at a point roughly 80 degrees to the horizontal, CEO of the new AOK Bollocks Division Herman van Luis Barrowboy told stunned reporters, “Now that the eurozone problems are so obviously at an end, our key aim going forward into the bollocks space is to engage in ongoing anxiety reduction on a global scale. The potential for this, given the uncritical path trajectory of down-dumbed citizen stakeholders, is infinite.”
Commenting in her role as IMF Federal Treasury Enforcer, ageing Beach-tan pin up girl Christine Lantoinette observed, “I see this as a logical development of the relationship between avowedly denialist and despicable tendencies. Everything but good will come of this, you mark my words. Before very long, everyone will be eating cake.”